Can't work like I used to

Hi everyone,

Well, my sisters wedding was wonderful in upstate NY this past weekend, I had a rash from the chemo all over but fared pretty well, last night I slept 12 hours and I plan on doing it again tonight, TIRED...

I have a wonderful opportunity work wise that after much talking with my wonderful husband, I have to decline to take it being that it would mean 12-16 hour days in Canada for six days, I REALLY wanted to be my old self and go, go, go... but he is a better rationalizer (is that a word) than I am... so I will send one of my staff to go in my place which is not the end of the world.

Next treatment is next week on Tuesday, the worst of this so far is the RASH that started a week after treatment began which is strange, I would think it would start right away! My ups and downs are getting farther apart, for the most part I am up and really relishing being a MOM first and foremost. Of course my six year old angel and I are very close but it now seems much more important to be a mom than a business owner, often I have thoughts of selling my company but those are pushed off by my husband, he wants me to wait until all the treatment is over and the cancer is HOPEFULLY gone and then if I want to sell it, GREAT... do it but for now, it is doing well with the amount of time I can put in, I just feel overwhelmed most of the time. My eating habits are getting back to normal as of yesterday, the wedding was a time for celebration and BOY did I celebrate with food and wine.

Hope all of you cowgirls are doing great,

Rina

My little sister gets married this weekend and I have cancer...

With sadness comes happiness and I almost forget that I have cancer right now, the plane leaves in the morning for NY and my family and I can't wait to be on it.

When things are hard, I look into my daughter's eyes and know everything will be ok, I will fight, I will eat right, I will do whatever it takes to be around for her and meet her children, I will SURVIVE.

My treatment last week went really well and the side affects have been very managable, thank goodness for that, I even get to have a glass of wine during the wedding weekend to celebrate along with everyone else.

My spirits are great today and I pray that they will be for the entire weekend coming up as it is NOT about my cancer or me this weekend, it is about my sisters big day.

Love to all of you and know that I am here any time you want to email,

Rina

Wonderful movie on TLC Kris

Thanks so much for making the movie Kris,

About twelve of my girlfriends and I watched it and cried, laughed, discussed how we all felt about it, this was all after our book club meeting, we read the book, BLINK. I had treatment on Wednesday as well and everyone thought I would want to cancel it but I really wanted my girls around me. My husband put our daughter to sleep and went upstairs and heard all the goings on downstairs. He actually watched it upstairs.

Feeling pretty well with all this treatment stuff, MUCh better than last time, even working a day after it so that is a good thing.

Everyone have a great Labor Day Weekend,

Rina

Even tough gals have meltdowns or what appears to be the start of one

Well,

After three months of brave faces, feeling better about things, getting back to life as normal, WHAM a breakdown is on the horizon. It started after Hullby, our seven month lab had his terrible car accident earlier this week, this was just the breaking point if you will. I can't seem to shake the feeling of sadness, fierce anger, no patience, etc... yesterday or today. I even went to the gym yesterday after I showered which is of course a strange thing to do, I thought it would lift my spirits but guess what, that didn't even work.

Today is a new day, I got the bottom half of my house cleaned and the laundry caught up which is a feat in our home... and we are going to the beach today to visit with one of my daughters friends and watch them frolick in the surf!!! Watching a three year old and a six year old scream and laugh SHOULD do the trick...

Hopefully most of you girls are having better days than I am but what really matters is MOST of the time, I feel healthy, happy and grateful, it is just these times when I don't and I am sure you feel the same that seem like FOREVER... but know we are going to ebb and flow like we did pre cancer and like I am sure we will post cancer.

Reading through the nutrition part of the book and have my grocery list but most likely I will save that until tomorrow, another friend of mine referred me to Dr. Nixon, he is a nutritional oncologist, of course he was a medical oncologist for years but he has the same opionions almost to the herb as Kris has in her book, which makes me all the more motivated to get with the 80/20 or 70/30 program of greens and veggies VS. cooked food.

Tonight, crab cakes made with wheat Panco (a japanese breadcrumb) and LOTS of veggies, maybe just maybe a glass of really good pinot noir, Dr. Nixon tells me that my limit is four glasses a week, which is ok, in my twenties, that would have been a BIG deal with all the client dinners and endless dinner dates but now, it is fine.

Have a great Saturday everyone and know that when you are feeling blue, you are not alone,

Rina

Today is August 24th and I am worn out, besides having five lesions on my liver full of melanoma, my treatment being postponed until next week (second postponement)... My poor little 7 month old chocolate lab, Hullby was hit by a car two days ago and almost dies, he is by my feet as I work from my kitchen today, lampshade on his head, cast on one paw, two paws all bandaged up from the stitches and really CRANKY, I tell him time and time again HOW I know how he feels.

So after I got my six year old off to school, washed some dishes, watched my husband become cranky as it was his night to sleep with our little wounded pup... needless to say he is off to the vet for heavy duty narcotics for tonight, it is just too much for all of us take sometimes but we know the sun will set tonight and rise again tomorrow.

Normally, I LOVE my work but this week has been a rough one, we lost one client, gained one, all the sales reps are doing what they need to be doing but ME... I am trying my hardest to be "into" it but I am TIRED this week and of course like all of you, I am my worst enemy.

IF it is nice this weekend, my daughter and I will be at the beach, the place melanoma victims are susposed to go right??? I am over the STAY out of the sun mode and enjoy it with hats, 50 SPF every hour, ask my daughter, she even knows how to cover up my whole back of scars from surgery.

We went shopping together yesterday for shoes being that we are both in my sisters wedding next month in New York, she told me that I had to get something new too, what a gal... So I got a shirt that showed some of my scarring artwork on my back which I don't do except in a bathing suit and I said but it shows my scars and what does my little Reyla tell me, who cares who sees them, I don't mind them, I love you mommy. So of course I am crying now remembering the memory of yesterday, big whimp that I am. Actually I have been very strong lately, most certain due to Reyla coming back from her grandparents "camp Blair" a few weeks ago and MY wonderful ten day trip to the Virgin Islands where I did whatever I wanted, some days were busy boating with friends and showing my local friends new spots and others were renting movies like locals or reading books under a palm tree, TAKE ME BACK there now...

So, I need to get going with work, Reyla has to be picked up at 2:35 on Friday's at her new school which we are all very blessed for her to have gotten in and us still being able to afford it.

Today - all of us that need that extra push to do something, take my advice as I am going to right now, GET in the shower... wipe off the tears and pretend again that you don't have ANYTHING wrong with you, that you are JUST like everyone else... shh... it can be our secret if we don't want anyone to know we have cancer.

All my best,

Rina

Surviving is important, Thriving is elegant

My name is Rina and I am going to thrive after beating my fifth round with Melanoma. Currently I am 37 years old, a mother, a wife, a sister, a friend and a business owner. My belief is that I have way to much left in this world to do, including meeting and holding my grandchildren and with my daughter Reyla only being six, I have a long fight left ahead of me. Five years ago was my first "suspicious mole" and since then, there have been multiple surgies, chemotherapy, lukeine and interferon shots, more surgery and then while in Hawaii in May 2007; double over and got to see how the locals live, in the Maui Medical Center, just what I wanted several more tumors now blocking my upper intestine. My best friend Laura was with me and we flew home to Charleston, SC for 7 days of a wonderful, ha ha; hospital stay, the worst surgery yet, to remove the tumors and a few inches of my upper intestine, from everything I have read, we don't need all of it so that part seems to be just fine. My surgeons tried to remove the five spots on my liver that formed but my body said, "I don't think so" and started bleeding profusely so they closed me up and now... three months later, four opinions later, we are starting a new treatment on Thursday of this week, Ipilumamaub (sp?). This should not be too rough a treatment as 10 months of chemo and shots every other day was TERRIBLE, this should be a walk in the park.

37 and stage IV melanoma, what does that mean to me, it means FIGHT, get the gloves on and FIGHT. Crazy, Sexy Cancer was given to me by my dear friends Tom and Sarah and I can't put it down and we are all planning a pot luck dinner and ok, maybe some wine on August 29th to watch the movie created based on the book.

To all of you out there, FIGHT, we need to be the new face of cancer and NOT give up hope, there are some days where I don't want to get out of bed but most days I make it out to fix breakfast for my daughter, get her dressed and off to school and then tend to the business of running my business.

Love to all of you that are fighting this fight,

Rina